Tag Archives: death

Vile part 37

For those who are curious, the signs he had posted say: Warning: Trespassers will be shot, broken, flayed, skewered, set on fire, or defenestrated. Their bodies will be donated to science.

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Vile part 36

Waking up from the best night’s sleep he’s had in years, our villain stretches his arms and yawns to ZERO, “Status report.” “What is this? Star Trek?” the supercomputer asks sarcastically. When Mortimer scowls in response, ZERO continues. “The police … Continue reading

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Vile Part 31

“If you had just listened to me,” explains Mortimer to the corpse of the commander as he tiptoes toward the golden potato’s pedestal, “you wouldn’t be dead. We would be having a delightful conversation in which you pass me this … Continue reading

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Vile Part 30

“He’s out here with me! I need back up!” shouts Mortimer at the door to the vault. On the other side of the door, a man checks the monitor and recognizes the security officer uniform. He nods in what he … Continue reading

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Vile Part 29

Normally, Mortimer would hire someone to break into the Last Kale National Bank and steal the golden potato, but lately he has come to enjoy the riskier parts of life, so here he is, wearing an outfit of well-fitted black … Continue reading

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Vile Part 28

But Sal was not the last man to die for the golden potato. John Kale’s two sons, Jeremiah and Zachary, reclaimed the golden potato after their father passed by robbing the El Grano bank. As they rode away, the sheriff … Continue reading

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Farmer’s Tan

I almost cried when my girlfriend’s dog died 2000 miles away. I barely knew this dog, having only seen it a few times while visiting Rita’s parents and interacted with it even less. The dog was smart enough to know … Continue reading

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